Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Ten Worst Fashion Trends of the Year

I realize msn.com and other sites are doing lists of best and worst trends, but frankly I think they got some of them wrong, and totally missed mentioning really awful stuff. So here are my top ten worst trends of the year:


10. Saggy, droopy, unfasten-able cardigans. The length makes people look shorter, it adds bulk, and plain and simple there's nothing chic about it.

9. Jeggings. Yikes. They make basically everyone on the planet other than Nicole Richie look bulgy and terrible, they make feet look huge, and they don't fool anyone into thinking they're really jeans. If you want something to tuck into your equestrian boots try real jeans in a slim, straight, or skinny fit.

8. Harem, parachute or pleated pants. Anyone should instinctively know that these are a bad idea. Harem pants make hips look wider, butts look saggier, and make women look shorter. I'd like to slap whomever brought this look back to life. It may have been Donna Karan.

7. Lindsay Lohan's legging collection. Seriously, these are stretchy pants. If they cost more than $15, you're doing something wrong. This goes for all "high-end" leggings.

6. The return of cargo pants. Want to know how to make your thighs appear larger? Here's your answer.

5. Slouch boots. Wide, sloppy boots as fashion? I say no. Unless you like the look of cankles with your distressed cargo pants, this one is worth avoiding.

4. Socks with pumps. Dear J.Crew, this look sucks. It's weird. It's silly. It's childish. And worst of all, it stretches out your shoes. Stop styling your models like this.

3. Over-the-knee boots. Guess what? You look like a hooker.
2. Studded everything. Not every item of clothing should be studded or bedazzled. I'm looking at you, Kardashian sisters. Studded sweaters and dresses just make the wearer look like she's trying too hard to look tough.
1. The jumpsuit. Occasionally it looks 1970s fabulous, but for the most part it just looks like a blob of ill-fitting slovenliness.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

A Rant on Wood

I hate the color of the wood trim and cabinets in my house. HATE. That's a really strong word, but that's how I feel. The problem is that the house is only a few years old, and I feel guilty painting over or re-staining wood that is in perfectly good condition.

I still want to understand why the original owners of the house did this. Who says "Can we make this color a little more golden, you know, more 1990s...more Zack Morris's house"? Why couldn't they have gone with a traditional white? A deep cherry? A rich walnut? A modern dove gray? Anything but this color of honey oak that belongs in a kitchen with floral wallpaper borders.

I partially blame the builders for offering such a color. It's like department stores still selling ugly holiday sweaters - if they'd stop selling this shit, people would stop buying it. No one wants to see grandma in ANOTHER candy cane turtleneck, and no one needs a new house with dated woodwork.